"Do Not Wash in Hot Water"

They forgot to give me the instructions for the expanders. They didn't tell me they would shrink if I washed them in hot water. I guess I shouldn't have taken that hot shower!
Actually, the truth is, when the doctor filled it the needle punctured the expander, so I "sprung a leak" on one side and I am now back to a crinkly, sagging bumpy lump of flesh for a boob. It is quite attractive if you are into that sort of thing. I am quite lopsided- it looks GREAT in a swimsuit....not! I wonder if the new Speedo competition suit would take care of that.

So, anyway, I have to go in for another surgery next week to replace the expander.

To top things off, my computer crashed the same time my boob did, so I took that to my computer guy to get it fixed.(My computer) Too bad he doesn't fix expanders.... "Here, do you think you can fix this to?"
He doesn't think I lost any of my data, which would be good, because I am not the best at backing up my stuff. I backed up a lot of it, but not everything. I think I am way beyond the point of crying... I am too numb to care. But I did learn not to ask "What Else?" I did that, and the contents of the top shelf in my cabinet landed on my head.

On a positive note, my hair, eyebrows and eyelashes are coming back quickly. I have a "5 o'clock shadow" that the kids at swim enjoy "petting". They had better watch out, sometimes I bite.

Fill 'Er Up!

Well I got my first "fill" in my expanders... 250cc on each side. They are already bigger than what I had before the mastectomy, and I go back in for another fill in a couple of weeks. I am glad that I don't have dented breasts, but I felt a little self conscious when I put my swimsuit on to go to practice. I almost wore a drag suit or my rashguard, but Brittney convinced me that they didn't look over sized. I don't know what I am going to do when they get bigger. It is kind of like breast feeding all over again, but they are filled with saline instead of milk.

Maybe people will quit calling me sir, or they will just point and say "check out the dude with the big boobs". I guess I should wear pink.

My hair is already 1/4" long, except for my two "long" hairs that are 1/2" long. (I really did take a ruler to measure it.) I am also starting to get itty bitty microscopic eyelashes. I can't see any eyebrows yet, but hopefully they will be filling in soon.

I am getting more energy back. I would probably be even better if I could sleep past 1AM.

PS. I made sure I didn't take a hot shower.... I don't want anything to shrink, so I wash in COLD!

Happy Halloween From the Pumpkin Patch

Tastes Like Chicken!

Mike, Tina and I have been walking Hailey to school in the morning, and Mike enjoyed it so much that he wanted to continue walking while Hailey was on break and on the weekends. We start out at around 6 a.m. when the sun is just starting to come up, and we always see the same walkers. One of the walkers that we see in the morning asked if we had seen the pack of 7 coyotes. I told him that I had seen them one morning, but Mike and Tina weren't with me when I saw them. After we talked to the man, and continued on our walk, Mike mentioned that maybe he should carry his BB gun in case we run into the coyotes. I laughed at him and said, "So you are going to walk down the streets carrying a gun?"
Mike replied, "Yes, what if they try to eat Tina?"
I told Mike I would tell the coyotes, "Take the tall guy, he tastes like chicken!"
I think I hurt his feelings. :}

Anyway our walks are going well and we haven't been eaten by coyotes yet.

And the Results are....

....Positively, most definitely yes, but maybe not. Okay, let me explain. I got my results for the hormone tests last week from the oncologist, which for a normal person, would show that I was in menopause. Dr. O was all set to put me on the new aromatase inhibitors for the next five years, instead of the Tamoxifen for premenopausal patients. So Mike and I both questioned whether or not the test could definitely tell whether or not I was in menopause. I did some research of my own, and chemo can put me into a temporary menopause for up to a year. I am having hot flashes, but they are getting better and I felt as though I was still ovulating. (TMI for some, but those of you that have pain during ovulation know what I am talking about)
So..... to make a short story really long.... he gave me the prescription for Femora (the aromatase inhibitor) but told me not to fill it until I talked with my OB doctor, which doesn't work on Fridays, so I will have to talk to him Monday. My hunch is that I will be on Tamoxifen until they know for sure I am in menopause.

The results for the genetic testing for iron-overload didn't come back, and the results of the liver ultrasound weren't back. I have an appointment with the gastroenterologist on Monday, and hopefully will get the results of the liver ultrasound.

As for the WBCs and RBCs, my red blood cell count is still low, and I am still anemic, which I can tell, because I get tired quickly, but my white blood cell count is above normal because of the Neupogen shots, but that should level out and hopefully stay where it is supposed to. The chemo nurse said it could take from 3-4 months before I started feeling "normal" again. I forgot what "normal" is, so I am really looking forward to that day!

My hair is growing like crazy...

...both of them! :0 I have two dark hairs that stick straight up right on the top of my head. They seem to be growing at an advanced pace compared to the rest of the peach fuzz that coats the remainder of my skull. It is going to be time for a haircut soon.

I am finding that the bare skull can be a little cool as the temperature drops, so the other day I tried out a funky but comfortable beanie that one of the lady's from the morning swim session gave me. It is made out of multi-colored soft furry stretchy yarn. It kind of resembles a punk hairdo. When Hailey saw it, she said I looked like a clown, and Mike tried to refrain from laughing out loud. I then decided to try one of the wigs with another beanie. Hailey then told me I looked like a homeless person. I didn't want to stop at homeless, so I put the multi-colored hat on with the wig and came back out to show off my new look. Hailey said "Now you just look like a homeless clown".

I think I will stick to my plain gray soft beanie.....

Just when you think it's over...

I had my labs drawn last week, and my WBCs and RBCs are still down, so I had to get two shots on Friday. I had to go in again on Monday and again on Tuesday to get Neupogen shots for the WBCs. The Neupogen doesn't have side effects as bad as the Neulasta did. I told the chemo nurse, "Instead of getting hit with a wooden baseball bat, it is a beating with a Nerf bat". My lower back and pelvis ache, but it isn't excruciating pain, like with Neulasta. The nurse said that that should be all I need. I get my labs drawn on Thursday, so we will see. I have a follow up visit next week, so hopefully I will find out about my lab results for the hormones and iron overload, which they failed to draw last week and I happened to notice, so they added them to the Thursday lab draw. I really question the competency of our health care system, especially after I called to tell them, and they pulled up the wrong patient (again) even after I gave her my name and date of birth. I won't even go into that whole conversation... you wouldn't believe me anyway. If I had eyebrows, they would have been raised during the entire conversation.... as in "you have got to be kidding me"!

My brain fog seemed to be at its worst last week. I did a lot of wandering around in circles, since I couldn't remember what I was doing. I do that sometimes anyway, but it seemed to be magnified more so than usual. That may have been partially caused by the anemia. It was really annoying and a little scary. The fog seems to be clearing some, now there is just a 50 percent chance of showers.....

My vision has also been really wacky. The other evening when Mike and I were outside, I was seeing double. When I looked up at the moon, there was a double moon. I told Mike, "That's cool, I can see two moons." He thought I was making fun of him, since his shorts hang a little low. :)

I started working with a couple new Pre-Stingers on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I am coaching swim 5 days per week again. One of my Pre-Stingers is 6 years old and a little on the hefty side. When we were about half way through practice (we only go for an hour) he asked me, "When is snack time?" He was very disappointed to find out that we don't have a snack time during swim. His Dad told me later that he is very concerned about food, and when his next meal is. He said he wants to swim like Michael Phelps, so hopefully he will stay in swim.

Halloween Costume Ideas

I was figuring with my unique hairless look, I have a few options for Halloween.... what do you think? Rufus, the Naked Mole Rat, or Voldemort, the Evil Villain? I am leaning towards the latter, since my nose has been dripping non-stop (side effect of chemo), I am ready to rip it off anyway. Besides that, I don't know that I have ever seen Rufus with clothes on, and that might freak people out just a little.

I have been practicing the "Voldemort look", and I resemble him a little more than I would like to admit.

Do you think my family is going to finally figure out that I have gone completely insane and send me away in a straitjacket?

Mistaken Identity

I realized last week after my last chemo that right from the start, the doctors and their staff keep getting me confused with somebody else.
When I call a doctors office to make my first appointment, I usually inform them that there are two Susan M. Webers in town. That doesn't always do the trick, but at least I try. Even when I went to Palm Springs for my first appointment with the oncologist, they asked me if I had changed my first name from Mary to Susan. For some odd reason, they either had my SS# wrong, or Mary's SS# put in as mine.... what are the odds of that?
Then the oncologist in Havasu kept getting me confused with another patient that started a couple weeks before I did. He would ask me about symptoms that I had "complained about during chemo". No, that was Rosie, we sat next to each other, but I didn't acquire the same symptoms. Then the lab got me mixed up with the other Susan when we both had blood drawn on the same day... again what are the odds? When I went to the OB doctor, they pulled the wrong chart.... twice. I don't even know if they found my old chart. I did okay at the surgeon's office, but he did have the nurse set up the ultrasound machine last time I came in. He never used it, so I am thinking that he forgot that he did a bilateral mastectomy??? Who knows... I didn't ask. Then when I went last week to see the gastroenterologist, he asked me if I just had surgery and had been in the hospital the week before and if I was friends with somebody he knew. He thought he knew me from somewhere. Is there really another bald female walking around town that looks like me? (Maybe that is a good thing)
To top it off, when I got my flowers on the last day of chemo, they had crossed out the name "Julie" and put "Susan"... great, even they don't know who I am.

Sooo.... this is my theory: Getting breast cancer was because of mistaken identity. When the "Cancer Fairies" were sprinkling cancer cells into people, they probably got the wrong address. Maybe it was when we were building our house, and we had to stay in a friends rental. We moved in before she was completely moved out, so maybe they didn't know that she moved to Las Vegas. Are you supposed to leave a forwarding address for Cancer Fairies? Or, it could be that there are three houses next to ours that look very similar, and if you drive by at night, it is really hard to tell them apart. Maybe they don't have very good night vision. Whatever it is, I just hope they don't accidentally find me again.

Just FYI- these are the things that I lay in bed and think about at 1:am after a hot flash when I can't sleep.